To be completely blunt, the water pressure in this apartment fucking sucks. In all honesty, I could probably amplify the water pressure 10 times by plugging my dick into the water main and taking a piss.

This is about the tenth time this month that I've had to unclog that fucking toilet, because god forbid I use more than a single square to wipe my ass. I often find myself having to flush SEVERAL times while I'm still sitting on the damned thing, which is doing my utility a hell of a lot of good, I might add, but don't even get me started on the collective bunch of greedy, dog-fucking pricks known as Collegiate Housing Services, the fucking twats.

When I get the money I'm buying a toilet thats so powerful it'll suck the shit right out of your ass. Seriously, when I get up I want to see grey matter swirling that fucking bowl. No more of this two-flushes-to-get-piss-to-go-down-the-god-damn-drain shit. I want a toilet that can suck the moon through a god damn drinking straw.

And for those of you that are grossed out by this, consider yourselves lucky that you have a toilet that doesn't require human sacrifices just to be able to flush the water in the bowl.

Also, that emoticon down there shows EXACTLY how pissed I am right know, with my perfectly round red-ish head and excreting a mysterious blue liquid from my mouth...